


I'm not strong enough to say no

by alicewonder87



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Good Draco Malfoy, Inspired by Music, POV Draco Malfoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:53:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22518802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alicewonder87/pseuds/alicewonder87
Summary: Draco's had his eye on Esme Andrews for a long time. She's beautiful and smart, everything he's ever wanted in a girl, but there's one problem- she's a Gryffindor and is friends with Hermione Granger and Neville Longbottom. And it's not like those two would ever be friends with him. Not to mention his parents, who would never approve of him dating a Gryffindor or a half-blood. But a happy accident in Potions is about to bring him closer to Esme, can he get the girl? Or is fate once again against him?
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by a song again, surprise, surprise. This time it was BlackHawk, "I'm not strong enough to say no". Which is also the title of this story. I end it on kind of a cliffhanger and am thinking I might write another chapter, but from Esme's point of view as an ending. I have no beta, all mistakes are mine. I don't own Harry Potter or the song, I am simply borrowing to write this story. Listen to the song! It's a good one! Let me know in the comments if you would be interested in reading an ending from Esme's point of view!

Draco sat at his table in the Great Hall and watched her enter. His silver eyes watched the small woman as she entered with Longbottom and Granger. Her honey brown eyes darted up to the ceiling and a soft grin spread across her lips. She laughed at something Longbottom said, and the sound carried across the hall to where he was sitting. She smacked his arm and he watched as the group walked to their table. 

She sat away from them though, taking her usual seat alone at one of the ends while Longbottom and Granger sat with Weasley and the rest of their group. He watched her as they ate, and for a moment her eyes met his. She licked her lips and then pressed them together. A blush stained her cheeks and she glanced away again. 

Draco quickly glanced away as Theo and Pansy came to join him at the table. But not quickly enough, as the smirk on Pansy's face indicated. She glanced over at the girl Draco had been staring at and chuckled softly. "Are you still mooning over Andrews over there?" 

Draco scoffed. "What? No. As if I would be attracted to a Gryffindor." 

Theo rolled his eyes, sarcasm dripping off his voice. "Sure, you're not attracted to her. And I'm a Hufflepuff." 

Pansy joined Theo in his laughter and he frowned. He allowed himself another glance over at her and said, more seriously this time, "You know Granger or Longbottom wouldn't even let me near her. Not to mention my parents." 

Pansy and Theo stopped laughing. They shot him looks of sympathy and started talking about something else, but Draco found his mind full of her still. He was still thinking about her when he had Potions with Gryffindor later. He couldn't help but watch her as she entered with Longbottom and Granger. 

While they found their seats, it suddenly came to his notice that she was approaching his empty table. He smelled her soft jasmine scent as she hesitated near the chair next to him. Her voice was soft as she glanced at him. "Draco? Can I sit here?" 

He found himself nodding. She sat down and moved closer slightly. He saw her flinch as Slughorn entered the room and then she was focused, watching the board as the Professor assigned the potion for today. He felt a nervous feeling in his stomach as Slughorn waved his hands and said, "Take a good look at the person seated with you today. They will be your partner in brewing today's potion." 

I watched with a pounding heart as the ingredients for Amortentia appeared on the board. I glanced over at her just as her eyes met mine. I was supposed to brew this with her seated next to me? A soft grin lit up her face and she turned to face Longbottom and Granger. 

To his horror, she said to them, "Looks like I got the best partner." She stuck her tongue out and he saw them shake their heads. It was no secret that he was the best in their year at Potions. This was the one subject that he always bested Granger at. 

He rose with her and followed her into the supply closet where they waited as the others grabbed their things. He was reaching for stuff they needed when he spotted her on one of the ladders. She was reaching for the powdered moonstone that Slughorn kept on the highest shelf. 

He heard a soft sound that sounded like a whimper before he turned and saw her quickly falling to the floor, the moonstone clutched in her hands. Forgetting his arms were full of the other ingredients, he dropped them in his haste to catch her. He caught her easily, the moonstone slipping from her fingers and crashing to the floor. The soft powder rose and gently coated them. 

He glanced down at the witch in his arms and saw her looking at him. It was hard to deny how beautiful she was, even with moonstone on her face. He held her in his arms for a moment longer before setting her down on the floor. She glanced up at him and he saw her fingers reaching for his face. 

Her touch was soft as she brushed powdered moonstone off his skin. She still hadn't spoken yet as the door flung open and Longbottom and Granger stood there with Slughorn. He stepped away from her quickly and thought he saw a disappointed look cross her features before she turned to face her friends. 

"What happened here?" Slughorn asked, his eyes scanning the floor. 

Andrew's spoke first, "I was reaching for the moonstone and slipped on the ladder. Draco caught me before I hit the floor, but I dropped the moonstone." 

Slughorn pursed his lips together and turned to face me. "Malfoy?" 

I nodded. "It's true. I dropped what I was holding so she wouldn't fall on the floor." 

Slughorn sighed. "Okay, well you two still have to brew the potion. Use the brewing area in your common room Malfoy. Make sure Miss Andrews is with you. And I want three feet of parchment on the properties of the potion. Class dismissed." 

I watched her leave the storage closet and gather her things. She waited for me to grab my bag and then said, "When do you want to get together to brew the potion?" 

I thought about it and said, "What about this weekend? I'll have time then. I can meet you in the Great Hall and walk you down to the Slytherin common room." 

She nodded. "Sure, sounds great, Draco." 

I walked out of the room with her and nodded. "See you then, Andrews." 

I was about to turn the corner when her voice made me stop. "Please, call me Esme." 

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to face her. "See you then, Esme." 

The smile that lit up her features was beautiful and she skipped off to her next class with Longbottom and Granger. I was headed to my next class as well when Pansy and Theo caught up to me. 

Pansy nudged me and asked, "So, why were you so late?" 

I told her and Theo what happened and how we had to write an essay but we had to brew our potion together in the common room this weekend. Theo chuckled softly, no doubt imagining my discomfort at being so close to Esme, while Pansy was smart enough to stay silent. 

All too soon it was time to work on our potion, but that didn't mean my week was easy. I had to spend my time in potions working next to her, the smell of jasmine and lavender filling my senses as she brewed potions with me. I knew how soft her skin was due to the time we'd reached for ingredients together and her fingers brushed mine. 

A pretty blush spread across her cheeks and she'd let me add the ingredient to the potion. I'd gotten closer to her, talking about things she liked and she asked me about my parents. So by the time the weekend rolled around, I was less nervous around her and more relaxed. 

I was in the Hall eating breakfast and waiting for her when I saw her enter with Granger. They sat down and ate and I watched them talk. Whatever they were talking about must have been upsetting Esme, because I noticed the frown that appeared on her face and saw her eyebrows furrow together. 

Finally, Esme pushed her plate away and stood up, her dark hair swinging as she got up from the table. Granger was calling her name, but she left the hall quickly. Didn't take a genius to figure out she was angry about something. I swallowed the last of my tea and followed her. 

I found her as she was walking down to the dungeons. She'd stopped at one of the tapestries and had leaned against it for a moment. I gently placed my hand on her shoulder and she turned to face me, those honey-brown eyes of her full of glistening tears. Her lower lip quivered and she bit on it to stop trembling. My heart pounded in my ears as she stared up at me before she launched herself into my chest. 

She wrapped her arms around me and sobbed, pushing her face into my jumper. I let my arms slide around her and I held her as she cried. I whispered some soothing words under my breath a moment before she lifted her head to look at me. A lock of hair rested on her cheek and I pushed it behind her ear gently. 

"Draco? How did you find me?" She asked, her voice breaking slightly. 

I let my hand rest against her cheek a moment, "I followed you from the hall. I had just finished breakfast. Are you okay?" 

I saw her lips tremble again as I asked her the question and she shook her head. "No. I am not. Hermione said some awful things to me." 

I was about to ask her what she'd said when we heard a sharp voice from the end of the hall. "Esme? Malfoy!" 

I turned around, pushing Esme behind me on instinct. She stayed behind me as Granger approached. Her eyes were hard as flints as she spotted me with Esme. "I need to talk to her Malfoy. Alone." She narrowed her eyes at me and crossed her arms over her chest. 

I opened my mouth to tell her to go away when Esme stepped out from behind me, her hand on my arm. "No, Hermione. I am staying here with Draco. We have our potion to brew." 

Granger opened her mouth and said, "Come on Esme, I'm not the only person who's told you how I feel about this. Neville said the same thing just a few days ago." 

Confused, I glanced at Esme only to see her angry and defensive again. "And I'm going to tell you what I told Neville. I am a big girl Hermione. I can take care of myself. I don't need you two butting in on everything I do." 

Hermione sighed angrily. "Fine. I tried to warn you." 

I watched her stomp away and heard Esme sigh too. She met my gaze. "Come on Draco. Let's go." 

I led her down to the common room and said our password, pushing the door open. She followed me inside, keeping close as I led her to our brewing area. Esme was silent as we started brewing the potion. The silence had gotten so bad that as I added the moonstone, Esme sighed. 

"I should probably tell you what we are fighting about." She said, twisting her fingers together. 

I shrugged my shoulders. "You don't have to. It doesn't concern me." I was interested, but I knew how she valued her privacy. 

I saw a guilty look form on her face. "It does concern you Draco." 

She nibbled on her lower lip once more and said," Hermione and Neville have both told me I shouldn't let you get close to me. They said you are just trying to gather information to hurt me, to use me." She kept her eyes cast down and sighed again. 

When she looked at me, her voice was muffled as she said, "They kept telling me that there was no way someone like you would be interested in me and I was foolish to think you were. Hermione reminded me that you were engaged to Astoria Greengrass." 

She reached for something on the table, the peppermint, and added it to the potion. I was quiet. I watched her flush deepen and saw her regret her words before I offered this up, "They're wrong. I'm not engaged to Astoria." 

Esme's eyes suddenly met mine. Her lips parted softly and she continued to stare at me as I realized the potion was done. I gestured to the potion. "Ladies first?"

She swept her hair back and nodded, leaning in to smell the potion. Her eyes closed and smile spread on her face suddenly. She took several deep breaths before turning to me. "And you?" 

I leaned in, already knowing what I was going to smell. The soft scent of jasmine and lavender met my senses, followed by honey. I breathed the scent in deep. Her voice startled me as she asked, "What did you smell Draco?" 

I faced her again. "Jasmine. Lavender and Honey. You?" 

She kept those eyes locked onto mine and responded, "Pine, Cedar, and Spearmint." 

We were silent as we stared at each other. She stepped closer to me, still staring at me. I let my gaze wander over her, taking in every inch of her. The closer she came, the weaker I got. I reached out and pulled her closer. I leaned down and rested my forehead against hers. She closed her eyes and scooted closer to me. 

She opened her eyes and asked, "Do you want me to go away?" 

I shook my head, the movement making her close her eyes again. "I'm not strong enough to say no. I can't resist you even though I've tried." 

I took this moment to look at Esme. From this angle up close, she was even more beautiful. There was something beautiful about her eyes as she stared at me. Deep swirls of honey and gold, enough for a man to easily lose himself in. The straight bridge of her nose, the fullness of her lips, so achingly near mine. 

I moved without thought and came to in the middle of a kiss. And suddenly I was aware of everything at once, every inch of me alight with her touch. I kissed her again, my hands moving up to twine in her heavy, dark hair. She returned my kiss as her hands swept up into my hair, keeping my head pulled firmly down to hers. 

As my body stirred into life, I pulled my hands free of her hair and trailed them down the curves of her waist to her hips. I shifted her against the stone wall in the small room and my lips left hers, but only to kiss her throat as my hands continued their exploration of her body. 

"Draco." 

I froze when I heard Pansy's voice, one hand on her hip, the other resting near her chest. With control I didn't even know I possessed, I managed not to jump guiltily. Esme buried her head in my chest, almost as if she thought doing so would render her invisible. 

Moving my hands safely up to her shoulders, I met Pansy's gaze. There was no judgment in her eyes, only shock. She glanced briefly where our potion sat cooling and then back at us again. She pressed her lips into a tight line. I thought I sounded remarkably normal considering the circumstances. "Pansy. Go away. I'll talk to you later." 

Pansy said nothing, just shook her head and left, leaving the door open behind her. Uncurling my hands from Esme's shoulders, I stepped away to the other side of the room. I kept my back to her as I struggled to get myself under control. Over the sound of the fire crackling in the hearth, I heard my breath sharp and uneven. When I had achieved the nearest thing to calm that I could manage, I drew a deep, steadying breath and turned around. Esme was gone.


	2. Chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is from Esme's point of view, her thoughts about her kiss with Draco and how she feels about her fight with Hermione and Neville.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm considering writing about Esme's meeting with Draco's parents. If anyone is interested in reading it, let me know. I have no beta, so all mistakes are mine. Enjoy!

I closed the door to the girl's dorm and leaned against it heavily. The memory of what happened and what could have been floated in my mind. I pressed my shaking hands to my face firmly, as if that alone would be enough to make it go away. My whole body seemed to be trembling. I walked over to my bed, drawing the curtains softly and lighting a candle. 

Warm light covered the small space. I wrapped my favorite blanket around my shoulders and sighed softly as I tried to collect my thoughts. I buried my face in my hands, closing my eyes. But the darkness only made it easier for me to feel the aftereffects of Draco's touch. I felt a buzz on my skin where his lips and hands had been and could feel the fire they left behind. 

When he kissed me so surprisingly and so thoroughly, the sudden intoxication chased away all my rational thought. I welcomed the blotting of the emotions I was feeling from my fight with Hermione and Neville. When his practiced hands slid down my body, I knew I should have stopped him. But it was like my body had a will of its one, one that desperately wanted to know what came next. 

I could feel the heat in my cheeks as my mind remembered what happened. I had indeed grown closer to Draco over the last few days. Before this incident, if you'd asked me what I thought of him I would have told you he seemed cold. He was withdrawn and his interactions were limited to members of his own house and his two friends. 

But talking to him as I had been, there seemed to be this different side of him. He was nothing but nice to me and though I often sensed his gaze on me, I never dared hope that he could like me in that way. While he was still recovering from being on the wrong side of the war, he was still the very rich son of a pureblooded family. I knew there were plenty of girls in this school who liked him. 

Hermione and Neville began to notice how I began speaking about Draco. I was more fascinated by him as we reached the weekend we were supposed to brew our potion. And truth be told, I could sometimes feel his arms around me after our incident in the potions supply closet. I found myself wondering what his kiss would feel like and when I mentioned these new feelings to Neville, he was shocked. 

He told me that Malfoy was out for his ends, although he couldn't tell me what those might be. He reminded me he was a Slytherin and I couldn't trust him. The fight ended in me leaving the library feeling angry and I couldn't believe he would suggest that my judgment was impaired because of the time I was spending with Draco. When he jokingly accused me of being put under some kind of dark spell, I was shocked he would think that. 

I guess I hoped Hermione would think different, but her reaction was the same. She spent the entire time we headed to the hall telling me I was terrible for thinking that Draco might like me and reminding me of the gossip that he was engaged to Astoria Greengrass. She didn't understand what I saw in him and even joked about me being under the influence of a love potion. 

I couldn't believe they didn't respect my decisions. I knew there was some risk in wearing my heart on my sleeve where Draco was concerned but I was also stupid enough to think they'd respect any choice I made regarding him. I knew I couldn't go to Hermione or Neville about Draco's kiss. They would automatically assume he hurt me in some way and that would be terrible. I didn't want that for him. 

But what did this kiss mean? I smelled him in the potion, clear as day. I had long memorized the scent of cedar and pine that hung around Draco. It was calming. Who did he smell in the potion? I was so turned around and confused about everything and I had no one to talk to about it. 

I eventually left the comfort of my dorm for the hall. I still had that paper to write with him too. It was there that I came across Pansy. She waved me over from her place at the Slytherin table, where Draco was absent. She piled a few things on a plate and gestured for me to do the same. Then she led me back down to their common room. 

I sat with Pansy in the Slytherin Common Room, picking at what I had put on my plate. My stomach kept churning and my mind was full of scattered thoughts as I tried to figure out who Draco smelled in the potion. I frowned and nibbled on my lower lip, glancing over at Pansy as she chuckled softly. 

She didn't speak, but the voice of another boy broke through her giggles. "I can see why he's so taken with you. When you bite your lip like that, you look so cute." 

Pansy waved a hand to the boy who came and sat with us. "This is Theo Nott." 

Theo gave me a grin that made his green eyes sparkle. "Charmed." He reached out for my hand, placing a soft kiss near my fingers. 

I nibbled on my lip again and asked, "Who are you talking about?" 

This time Theo joined Pansy in her much louder laughter. Theo tried to get his laughter under control as Pansy wiped the tears from her eyes. He managed to choke out, "Draco. He's been taken with you for ages now. Since we came back for this last year." 

I was floored. "Are you sure?" I asked, "I-" My words were halted as I spotted him enter the common room. His silver eyes met mine and my heart pounded as he walked closer to me. Maybe this was how he felt earlier when we were brewing the potion. 

Draco stood in front of me, glaring at his friends who were still giggling softly. His silver eyes landed on me and I watched an entire transformation take place. His eyes softened and a soft smile spread across his lips. His voice sent a shiver up my spine, "Hi Esme. I thought I'd find you here." 

I bit on my lip and observed what Pansy and Theo were talking about as his eyes darkened. I was so focused on him that I didn't notice the two beside me gather the plates and disappear. I did faintly hear Theo's voice, "Thank us later, Esme!" 

Draco glanced at me and smiled softly. "Wanna go for a walk?" He held out his arm and I nodded, slipping my arm through his. 

As we wandered the halls, Draco was silent, and I took that moment to glance up at him as he glanced down at me. Our eyes met and my heart pounded loudly in my chest. I blushed and looked away, still not brave enough to tell him how I was feeling. 

Draco led me out of the castle and near the whomping willow. He ran one hand through his already tousled hair and said, "Esme, I wanted to apologize for what happened. I never meant to take advantage-" 

Why was he apologizing? I cut him off, "I'm the one whose sorry Draco. I thought you might not want to remember how utterly shameless I was." 

Draco turned to look at me and the shocked expression on his face said volumes. He still hadn't said much, but I offered this up, "I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it Draco..." 

Draco turned to face the willow and the lake behind it, heaving a sigh that almost went unnoticed as the wind picked up. I could feel the slight chill and shivered, catching Draco's attention. He turned to face me and swept the cloak he was wearing from his shoulders, his fingers gentle as he clasped it closed around me. 

The smell of Cedar and Pine enveloped me like a blanket, calming my frayed nerves. I met Draco's eyes as he said, his voice soft, "I just don't want you to be ostracized for being attached to me, Esme." 

"Do I look like the kind of witch who cares what people think about her? I've already had two of my friends tell me you're bad news and I'm not listening to them. They don't know what's best for me if all they see is your past, Draco." I locked my gaze onto him, watching as several emotions passed through his gray eyes. 

Draco's eyes locked onto a point behind me and he groaned, "Speaking of friends, looks like we got company." 

I turned to see what he was talking about and saw Hermione and Neville approaching us, and smiled when I saw Pansy and Theo not far behind them. We were silent as we watched them walk up, and I knew this wasn't going to go well. 

Hermione sneered at Draco, "I want to know what you've done to Esme, Malfoy." 

Neville was silent as Draco sneered back, "Why would I tell you, Granger, you wouldn't believe me anyway." 

I placed my hand on his shoulder and his expression softened as he added, "I don't know why you are so suspicious of me. I was cleared with testimony by you and Potter. Why would I put my freedom in danger?" 

Hermione didn't seem to have an answer, her cheeks turning pink as she tried to come up with something. Draco took this moment to slide his fingers through mine and asked, "Is it that hard to believe that I might actually like Esme for who she is?" 

The scowl had by no means disappeared from Hermione's lips as she said, "Esme is a half-blood, as I'm sure you're aware. What's going to happen when your parents disapprove of her because of her blood status?" 

Draco sighed, his fingers squeezing mine a moment. "I don't know. We haven't crossed that bridge yet." 

Neville broke his silence to say, "I'm sorry Esme. It's not my place to judge every decision you make in your life. I should have supported you, rather than putting you down. If you want to pursue whatever this is with Malfoy, I'm okay with that." 

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. I saw Neville nudge Hermione and add, "I should also add that if Malfoy hurts you in any way I'll hunt him down." 

I saw something change in Hermione's expression at his words. She seemed to battle with herself for several long moments before I told her, "If you were here pleading with me to accept your decision to date Draco, I would. You're my friend Hermione. I'm not going to let a boy get in the way of friendship." 

Her expression crumpled and she sighed again before meeting my gaze. "You're right. I've let my previous judgments of Malfoy get in the way this time. I've done exactly what Harry or Ron would have done." She twisted her fingers together and asked, "Esme, will you forgive me? I've been a bit of an idiot." 

I chuckled softly, releasing Draco's hand to hug her. "That's okay. Even the brightest witch of our age has her daft moments." Hermione chuckled along with me, returning my tight hug. As we parted, she questioned, "but what about his parents, Esme?" 

I stepped back over to Draco's side as he said, "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, but I don't hold those same beliefs I used to. If I want to be with Esme, I will. Her blood status doesn't matter to me." 

Hermione and Neville took their leave, heading back to the castle. I'd forgotten Pansy and Theo had joined us until Theo started laughing softly. He glanced at me and said, "I hope you know what you're getting into Andrews. Draco's parents have high expectations for him." 

Pansy didn't say much beyond nudging Theo and saying, "She'll be fine. Let's give them some time alone. "

As they walked away, I glanced at Draco and said, "Are we dating? Is that what just happened here?" 

Draco chuckled softly, "I guess so." His expression softened as he looked at me, "If you'll have me, that is." 

I nodded. "I will. No matter what your parents might think of me, but let's take this one day at a time, alright?" 

Draco slipped his fingers through mine as he led me back to the school. "Of course, after all, the year isn't over yet. I think we can hold off on a formal introduction with my parents until after we graduate." 

As we entered the doors and made our way to the Hall, the worry that Draco's parents might disapprove of me still stayed in the back of my mind. But I pushed it away as we sat down to eat, reminding myself that I had months to get to know my wizard better and that June was only a few months away. I'm sure by then it wouldn't even matter. I was going to live in this moment right here with Draco and take each day as it came.


End file.
